Much. I am no nurse though the shower, as such, is my hospital. Perhaps I should let them be. Scars heal over when left alone. Sometimes vanish like old friends or the garbage left by the curb on Tuesday night. I caress my scars. Dream about him next to me. Feel him in the night tending them. Believe that he’s there. Then there’s light and the shower is still running. I leave it on even though the water bill is too high to pay. I like the sound of the water rushing over me. Let the water pour. Clean and hot and desensitizing, destroying prints and calluses, burning away bacteria, boiling needles to the surface of my skin. Mindless, hopeless activity. I sit in the shower without forgiven and need and lust and longing. The scars will never vanish. Never fade completely. But remind me of the torture of trust, the fool who gives over. The emptiness that follows desire. All of it written in stitches across the scars and curves of fingerprints from homemade thread and sewn with the needles. After some adjustments; Murph was satisfied with the lighting; we were able to have the PA and lighting control desk set out about ten metres from the front of the stage. Mary Beth made a few adjustments to the microphones; for this tour, we had a larger mixing desk than the one we had used for live gigs previously, that allowed her to have additional mikes on the two drum kits. For the sound check, Phil suggested we do ‘Cold Hearted Woman’, to give me more practice with the vocals.We played it through once; and Mary Beth made a few changes to the amp and equalizer settings. She reminded Rachel to keep her mouth closer to her voice mike when she was singing; told Andrew to turn up the gain on his amp a notch, and had us run through the song again. This time she seemed happier; I really couldn’t notice much difference through the foldback speakers, but she was out in the centre of the room and able hear the sound properly through the main PA system.We decided to play through the.
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